BROTHERS FROM ANOTHER MOTHER

Vinny Del Negro circa 1997



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Gordan Giricek circa 2007

Despite these two having similar dark, dashing looks and basketball games, they can't agree on the most important aspect in life: What's best for dinner. The Croat loves his mama's blitva while the Italian drools over his aunt's spaghetti alla puttanesca. I am siding with guido's choice, and it's not because my grandma would yell "Affanculo!" at me for being a little snot. Nope, it's because puttanseca means whore. And I love whores. Especially more than Grandma and her dirty mouth.

(Note: Not Grandma pictured above.)

THREE THINGS I'D RATHER DO THAN WATCH ANTOINE WALKER LAUNCH THREE POINTERS

1. Have the intro of Wu-Tang Clan's song "Method Man" performed on me.

2. Be the man meat in a Rosie O'Donnell and Roseanne Barr sandwich. With extra mayo!

3. Work.

RON ARTEST MINUS "THE CRAZY" = ???

Remember Ron Artest before he was the Tru Warier? Remember Ron Ron before he inquired about working at Best Buy in order to get the employee discount? Remember Artest before the Malice at the Palace? Remember him before his wife chucked cookware at his pimped-out ride?

Ron Ron, circa the St. John's, era was a complete small forward. He was a bull before he was a Bull: A beast on the boards who could play both flypaper and bump-and-grind defense. Ron Ron was an underrated passer who could also score from inside and out.

AAAANNNNDDDDD, finally the analogy: Final Four-bound Jeff Green of Georgetown is Ron Artest from the Red Storm days.

I am tired of hearing that Green's NBA success is going be similar to, at worst, John Salmons or, at best, Lamar Odom. Green is simply Ron Ron minus the 100 percent, super-duper, bat-shit crazy. And trust me, I know crazy. Last week I shot a man in Reno just to watch him die. And by shot I mean scratched my balls. And by man I mean on my couch. And by Reno I mean in my apartment. And by die I mean while watching TV. Reruns of "The State" motherfucking rule!

RIP: DJ

Former Celtics great Dennis Johnson, the most absurdly freckled black dude in NBA history, died today at age 52 due to an apparent heart attack.

NBA TRADE DEADLINE = YAWN

There were so many rumors about PT Players like Jason Kidd, Vince Carter, Pau Gasol, Mike Bibby, Ben Gordon and approximately 37 others being moved at the NBA trade deadline today.

So what happened?

NBA icons Juan Dixon, Fred Jones, Anthony Johnson and Gerald, err, Alan Henderson switched teams in several mind-blowing blockbusters. There hasn't been this much buildup and such little release since I started wacking off right before the plot twist in "The Crying Game."